So the first time, maybe even the first 100 times, you're knocked off your feet with grief, it feels terrible and awful and unfamiliar. A woman who lost her mother as a young person is going to experience that grief on her wedding day because it's a new moment where she's having a response to loss.īut "grieving" means that our relationship to that grief changes over time. And the reason that this distinction makes sense is, grief is a natural response to loss - so we'll feel grief forever. Grieving is what happens as we adapt to the fact that our loved one is gone, that we're carrying the absence of them with us. Grieving necessarily has a time component to it. Grief is that emotional state that just knocks you off your feet and comes over you like a wave. On the difference between grief and grieving ![]() The brain also feels that way, as it were, and codes the "we" as much as the "you" and the "I." So when people say "I feel like I've lost part of myself," that is for a good reason. The "we" is as important as the "you" and "me," and the brain, interestingly, really does encode it that way. And so when the other person is gone, we suddenly have to learn a totally new set of rules to operate in the world. The word sibling, the word spouse implies two people. ![]() When we have the experience of being in a relationship, the sense of who we are is bound up with that other person.
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